New Years Resolutions – learning to live in the now

Here we go…

The boring ones

  • There is the obvious one that comes back year on year, lose weight and look after myself better. Sigh.
  • Be better organised at home, meal plan more (but not strictly), shop around for better deals on insurance and gas etc.  Basically keep on top of things to keep expenditure down, or rather make sure we waste less so we have more to spend on things that give us pleasure.
  • Keep on top of the boring but important things so they don’t become a back of the mind nag making me feel worried and guilty for not doing them.

I ended last year feeling rather down and battered.  I can’t really put my finger on why.  On paper it was quite a good year, nobody died (always a positive) and we seem to have found our grove home ed wise and have established a balance between structure and unstructured that works for us.  But I was feeling jaded.  So here are my plans to change that and lighten up my mood.

  • Spend more of my ‘me’ time doing stuff that makes me happy now rather than things that I think are worthwhile in the long term.  I really didn’t enjoy my OU course last year and it sucked a huge amount of enjoyment out of life, when I wasn’t studying I felt guilty for not studying so definitely no more OU.  Home ed trips, I’d booked a couple of paying ones for this year and then I realised I’d delayed for an entire month sending the email asking someone to put them up on the website because I couldn’t face the fuss and that was before I got to dealing with people actually booking and then cancelling/going to the wrong place… So I cancelled them.  Boys might get opportunities they wouldn’t have otherwise got for workshops etc if I book a trip, but do they benefit more from that than having just a day out at the museum as a family or with some friends with me relaxed and having me available to play/work with them instead of me having to spend 2 or 3 hours (at least) on the computer dealing with emails and organisation always saying ‘wait a minute’, I seriously doubt it and I know what makes me happier. So the odd free trip, or small scale trip (concert/theatre) perhaps but that is my lot.  And my free time being spent playing board games with the kids, reading (new kindle and challenge on the side of blog to keep me on track), sewing and writing.
  • Moving immediately onward.  Writing!  I tend to photoblog a lot but am not a great photographer.  I hope to spend more time this year clearing my mind by putting it down here.  Things rarely look as bad in black and white as they seem in the recesses of your mind at 2am.
  • Instead of trying to be the mum and home eder I think I should be, be the one the boys want or need me to be (slightly different).  The truth is they aren’t bothered by large scale home ed activities but I persist in taking them and trying to organise ones I think they will like because I think we should go.  All last year I haven’t taken them swimming because it was one too many activities out of the house and I thought that time was best spent socialising.  Today we went to the private pool down the road and I haven’t seen them so happy for a long time.  It is the activity they enjoy and they really don’t like going with a group as it detracts from it.  Friendship wise all they want is to see Connor and Hayden, Harvey, Oscar and Hannah regularly.  So that is my goal this year, helping them maintain the friendships they have and not pushing them to develop new ones.  They have activities most evenings locally so it is hardly like they are reliant on the home ed community for all their social lives.  They are growing up so quickly I want to make the effort to relax and enjoy spending time with them joining in with what they enjoy.  Although I draw the line at Moshi Monsters there are some things on which I can’t feign interest, I believe no one does the best for their kids by pandering to them all of the time.
  • I find social contact draining especially with women, something in me misses out on little nuances, lovey dovey stuff drives me nuts and I dislike any aspect of speaking behind peoples backs so tend to address things head on and ruffle feathers. I’ve tried to make more of an effort to chitchat and to read the signals, I hate the argument when someone is rude of saying oh that’s just so and so, as it is a real failing on my part and one of the major things I would change if I had a magic wand.  But it is very hard work and something that I am never going to be very good at, so aim is to stay away from home ed lists, I’ve gone no mail on most. I’ve found a nice forum where everyone is friendly with out being over the top, so will chill there from time to time.  Otherwise same for me as the boys, I have good friends the aim is simply to enjoy those. The company I enjoy most is my husband and kids, a sewing kit and a good documentary/costume drama/sports match or a book (actually my new kindle I’m ever so slightly in love with it) so that is who I focus my energies on.

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